Sunday, December 16, 2018

Accounting for My Absence

hightowerBy Toby Hightower 

When I was under the impression that I was leading teachers and students in the burning pursuit of learning at Vienna High School back in the nineteen fifties, I once took a week to go to a seminar of principals and superintendents at Southern Illinois University. It was an interesting seminar attended by the future president of the National Educational Association and the future state superintendent of public instruction. I came back full of new ideas for fulfilling my role as the fearless leader of VHS.

I met a group of teachers at the start of school and asked them if they had missed me. They all looked a little puzzled until one of the teachers asked “you been gone somewhere?” Mr. Lawrence was the assistant principal and he did rather reluctantly report that one parent had come in to whip me and was very disappointed that I was gone. After the school day ended, I went out to get the whipping over with and wound up having a nice dinner with the family after the mother scolded her husband and he agreed to give me one more chance to straighten up and fly right.

Editor Lonnie has claimed that somebody finally noticed that my usual article was missing in the Times, but I hope no one is waiting to whip me.

I have been getting my income tax done and have been pretty busy writing checks to the state and federal government. I do not know if any of you have noticed or not, but it does seem to me that taxes are creeping up a little. If you do not already know, it is not permitted to list illegal immigrants as dependents.

I have filled out so many forms lately that my handwriting has drastically improved and the government is now investigating me for identity theft.

I think I can beat the rap because my present identity is certainly not one that anyone would be tempted to steal.

I am actually doing very well. I am still mobile and in circumstance of great peril, I can actually run a short distance.

Now, if I can just figure out where to run to escape fiscal cliffs, sequestering, and maybe trying to hide from congress, things will turn out well for me.

Behind all my silly banter, I have a deep appreciation for all the kindness my former students have shown to me.

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